Reader Asked: She Lost Interest, How to Get it Back? – Here’s What to Do

Recently I received a message from visitor to the site. He was wondering how he can get a girl back after she lost interest in him. I couldn’t help but be excited. Why? this is such a great question and all of us guys have gone through such a thing. I made a promise to him (and myself) to write an article on it as I have dealt with this type of thing before.

Couple sitting on park bench, girl showing no interest in the guy

But let me be totally clear now, sometimes the damage is too much. I mean, sometimes the girl might never regain interest in you. For many girls, once they get “turned-off” by a guy it is almost semi-permanent. It is like they look at you through a new filter. This is why first impressions are so important, and why staying congruent and consistent to your behaviors is the key to not make this type of thing happen in the first place.

The biggest signs she lost interest are:

  • Stops replying to your texts/calls (or gives one word responses)
  • Doesn’t laugh at your jokes
  • Doesn’t keep the conversation going
  • Stops wanting to be around you
  • Less eye contact and negative body language signals

We have all been there…everything seems to be going great with a girl, you think that she is showing signs of interest, then for one reason or another she loses it.

Is She Losing Interest or Playing Hard To Get?

For some guys, they can’t tell the difference if the girl is playing hard to get or is she is starting to lose interest in them.

When a girl is playing hard to get, she will still give you hints that she likes you. There will be a “push and pull” type of treatment from her to you. This is because she doesn’t want to play so hard to get that you lose interest in her. She will still give some obvious signs that she wants you to pursue her. There can also be a fun and playful vibe about it. A girl can play hard to get by teasing you, or pretending she is not interested. But will never fully cut you off from pursuing her.

When a girl has lost interest in you, she will fully stop giving you attraction signals. It will almost feel like you are pursuing a brick wall. She will make it clearly known that she is not interested in you. She will stop all forms of communication with you, so that you can get the hint.

Use your instincts to feel what is happening, it is usually right.

The Top 3 Reasons Why Girls Lose Interest in You

To understand this more, it is first important to become aware of the reasons why a girl loses interest in a guy. From my world of experience, here are the main reasons.

1. You Failed Her Tests (Congruency tests)

When a girl first becomes aware of you she will test you to see if you are the type of guy she can like. To a woman this is very important, they need to test men constantly to check how confident we are. Sometimes they do this on purpose, and other times it is just a natural thing they do — even they might not be consciously aware that it is a test.

If she lost interest all of a sudden, then you can be sure that you failed one of her tests and she is turned-off by you. It can also be the she lost interest due to your poor body language.

One of the biggest reasons why a girl will lose interest in a guy is because he failed a test, or a series of tests. When that happens her attraction to the guy will be lost. The opposite is also true, the more tests the guy passes the more she will be interested and will be investing more into the interaction or relationship. There are so many ways a girl can test a guy and that there are even whole books dedicated to this. It can be simple tests to more complex. But all test given by women are really trying to find out 2 things:

  • Confidence Level. How confident is the guy answering questions? And how good is the guy at handling uncomfortable situations that she creates for him. Has the guy been with a girl like her before?
  • Social Power. How good is the guy at leading the interaction/conversation? Is the guy able to control the social situations around him? How awkward is the guy in social situations?

If you notice, these two things are related. The bottom line is that the girl is testing you to see if you have the strength and confidence to be with her. If you don’t show these qualities to her there is HUGE chance that she will lose interest in you sooner or later.

2. She Doesn’t Find You Physically Attractive Anymore

This one is really simple. She lost interest in you because she doesn’t find you attractive anymore. This can be in the short-term or in the long-term. For example:

Short-term: She thought you were attractive at first, and she was willing to give you a chance. But after spending a bit more time with you she is simply not attracted to you anymore. This also happens to guys. Sometimes we think a girl is cute, but after spending a bit more time with her we don’t think she’s that cute anymore. This is very common in places like bars and nightclubs were you interact with many strangers in a short amount of time. The point is that a girl can lose interest in you simply because she thought you were attractive upon first meeting you, then slowly sees more flaws in you and loses interest.

Long-term: This one is more common with long-term relationships. Sometimes the guy will gain weight, or not take care of his looks anymore. Or it could be that he starts dressing bad. Some guys get lazy once they get in a relationship. They think that everything is guaranteed with the girl and they don’t need to take care of themselves anymore. The problem is this: once a girl sees that you are losing your looks (gaining weight, acting lazy, not taking care of yourself) she can quickly lose interest in you.

3. She Found Another Guy Better Than You

Last but not least…it is very possible that a girl can lose interest in you due to her finding another guy. Look, there will always be someone else who is better than you. Usually women have no problem “upgrading” to a better version of you. As with the previous point, this can be in the short-term or in the long-term.

If this happens then take this as a learning lesson to improve yourself. All of us can improve to be a better version of ourselves. A great thing about this is that the better you become, the more easy it becomes to get the interest of girls and for them to stay attracted to you.

How to Regain a Girls Interest in You

One of the best ways to regain a girl’s interest is to show to her that you are a high-value man. What does this mean? In simple terms it means that you have the strength to leave her or the interaction. You show less interest than her. Remember, she lost interest in you because she probably thinks that she is higher value than you are.

In most social situations, it is always the lower-value person who gives more attention to the higher-value person.

Women are attracted to guys that don’t give them too much attention, especially when it hasn’t been earned. This also makes a guy come across as being too nice, which many girls think is a sign of weakness.

Another great way to make her interested again is to make her aware that you there are other girls interested in you. She needs to know that other girls like you, and that her time spend with you is valuable.

It’s all about showing her high-value. The more high-value you are, the more she will want to give you attention. Once you understand this concept you will know how to apply in your life and in your specific situation.

This can be a complex situation. As I said earlier, once a girl stops giving you attention, it is not that easy to get back, unless you prove to her your value as a man. The best part is that it can be done, as long as you understand how the dynamic works as I have said in this article.