I really think that being too nice in a relationship or in your interactions with people is highly misunderstood. This is why I had to write about it and bring some awareness to it so that more people can understand exactly what it is, and what it is NOT. I’m well aware that many guys need some help with this as they are often being told that they are “too nice” (like it’s a bad thing). But there is a difference between being friendly/approachable and being annoyingly nice.
But what is this nice people syndrome? Why does it often come across as a of weakness? because it comes off across as if the guy has no boundaries and is just overly nice to people without them having to earn it. But some guys are genuinely nice and it has very little to do with their self-confidence or their intent. So it is very important to understand the psychology behind what it really going on.
Here are some of the stereotypes of nice guys in today’s world:
- “never trust someone who is too nice”
- “Nice guys are weak”
- “Nice guys have a hidden agenda”
Why Does Being Too Nice Seem Like a Bad Thing?
It sounds strange right? rather than people appreciating someone who is nice, they sometimes take advantage of them. Or they make it seem like it is a “bad” thing. The psychology behind this is that women appreciate a man who has boundaries and is not a push-over. And the truth is that being too nice to people without any reason can signal a man who is more concerned with making people around him feel comfortable and “happy”, and not being himself or concerned with his own thoughts and intents.
Especially with women, since they are highly observant of men and have good judgement on a man’s character and confidence level. Women seem to have a 6th sense when it comes to screening for nice guys…
Many of them know that nice guys usually have a hidden agenda.
As if they are being to nice in order to get something in return from the woman. Furthermore, many guys feel like being too nice a relationship can keep the woman happy and never want to leave them. In the extreme cases it can even come across as a mild borderline personality disorder.
And this is where they make a mistake:
A woman will respect you more if you have boundaries and values. She will respect you more if she had to earn your “niceness” and affection. It always feels better when you earn something, rather than it being given to you for no reason.
Being called too nice is something most guys don’t want to hear these days.
How to Stop Being Too Nice – 5 Effective Ways
Remember, it is not about becoming disrespectful, it is simply about not giving your power away so easily to people — especially if they have done nothing to earn it. Here are 5 great ways that you can do exactly this:
1. Stop Trying To Please Everyone
Making a constant effort to please everyone is a well-known characteristic trait of nice guys. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard a woman say “my boyfriend is too nice to everyone”.
First of all, it is impossible to be nice to everyone because there will always be people around you that you don’t vibe with. Or people who are not that nice to you. So naturally it seems a bit strange to be around someone who is trying to please everyone around them.
It is also healthy to stop trying to always please your partner in a relationship. Women like a challenge.
Trying to please everyone and be too nice can make it seem that it is all about other people, and never about you. But this is what you don’t want. You want people to know that it is sometimes also about you. This can actually make them respect you more.
2. Have Boundaries in Your Relationships
Learn how to say no women, especially in a relationship. You have to be able to stand up for yourself when someone is pushing your buttons, or trying to impose their will on you.
Women (and people) will test you to see how far they can go with your boundaries. So you need to become aware of this and learn where to draw the line with people. It has nothing to do with becoming arrogant or aggressive. It has everything to do with integrity, values and self respect. Your actions and reactions should be coming from your intent. Don’t allow anyone to come between that by being too nice so as not to mention anything. Don’t just let people cross the line with you…
Not having boundaries is a huge nice guy trait. And it needs to stop if you want to remove that label from your personality. And it certainly needs to stop if you want a healthy romantic relationship.
3. Learn How to Disagree
Learning how to disagree is a sign of maturity and strength. One of the key traits of being too nice is not disagreeing in order to make the other person feel comfortable. Nice people sometimes believe that agreeing with people can make them like them more. The opposite holds more true, as people tend to like you more when you have an opinion or your own viewpoints on things.
Women are attracted to guys that have values, and live by them — Even if they don’t match theirs. A healthy part of any relationship/Marriage is to have good disagreements and conversations.
Always agreeing with people is a huge trait of overly nice guys. Don’t be like that. It is OK to disagree with something if you really feel like it.
4. Stop Being Overprotective
Sometimes being too nice can come across as being too overprotective. Nice guys do this a lot to the women they want to pursue. They are always thinking that they need to protect them (even when there is no need to).
You should try your best to help people in need, but there is no point to go overboard and show your protective ways to people or women you barely know. Many people believe this is a sign of being too nice.
5. Don’t Be Too Clingy (Needy)
This one is a very common thing we see. The nice guy acts too needy or clingy when it comes to attracting women (and even men).
A tell-tale trait of nice guys is that they seem needy. They will do whatever it takes to be around someone they like, even if that person doesn’t feel the same way. And they will always sacrifice their own lifetsyle/beliefs/fun in order to get close to the person. Even texting a girl too much can make it seem you are too clingy.
This is not the type of behavior that you want to project into the world — especially with the women you want to pursue.
Look out after yourself. Take care of your priorities, and never sacrifice your own fun in order to get close to someone. Life is to be shared with others, not just giving yourself away to random people. The more you seem like an independent person, the more people and women will be attracted to you.
Give people space. Nice guys usually can’t give women their space. They feel as if they should always be around them. This comes off as and act of desperation and is unattractive to the people you deal with.
Give people time and space to miss you. It is natural for people to have some space between them to cause curiosity and mystery.
Final Thoughts on Being Overly Nice
As you can see, being too much of a nice guy has no real benefits, and whole bunch of negative things associated with it. At the end of the day you should really be yourself. But what does that mean? Well it means that you are more focused on your goals and intentions rather than trying to please everyone by displaying your “niceness”.
Being too nice in a relationship can do more harm than good, especially if you don’t have somewhat strong social skills. The whole point is to not give your power away to people and situations that don’t deserve it. So remain assertive, yet friendly. Have a good balance.